


Dear Thorin, His Royal Grumpiness

by Dorkangel



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Everybody Lives, Letters, M/M, One Shot, bagginshield
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2014-05-19
Packaged: 2018-01-25 19:09:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1659221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dorkangel/pseuds/Dorkangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While in Erebor in an Everybody-lives AU where Fili and Kili are just little kids and therefore unable to go on the quest, Bilbo Baggins, consort of King Thorin, receives an interesting letter from a certain pair of Thorin's nephews...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Thorin, His Royal Grumpiness

**Author's Note:**

> Will not be continued! Will not use interesting punctuation! Was written under the desk in Geography!

Dear Thorin,

The letter had arrived quite late in the morning, when Bilbo was only half-awake and Thorin was already struggling with his heavy fur coat and falling over as he tried to pull his boots on.  
Although naturally, being Thorin, he still managed to receive it from the guard with perfect grace and solemnity, silently nodding his thanks. He did not speak, partly because he was the king but mostly because he had a piece of toast in his mouth.  
And he still managed to look dignified, damn him.  
With a light kiss to Bilbo's cheek, he threw the letter onto the table and strode away. And had Bilbo not been so sleepy, it probably would have been forgotten about, but as it was he rested his head against the table. On top of the letter.

He probably shouldn't open it. It was for Thorin. But...it was probably just business and they shared everything anyway.  
So he opened it.

Thorin Oakenshield, Son of Thrain, Son of Thror of the line of Durin, Lord of Erebor, Lord of Silver Fountains, King of Carven Stone, King Under the Mountain, His Royal Grumpiness-

Wait. 'His Royal Grumpiness'?!

Thorin Oakenshield, Son of Thrain, Son of Thror of the line of Durin, Lord of Erebor, Lord of Silver Fountains, King of Carven Stone, King Under the Mountain, His Royal Grumpiness.

Hello!  
I am very happy for you! I am very glad that you retook the Mountain because now we can live there instead of Ered Luin or the towns of men, although Mama says there was a battle. She would have gone to fight but Dain said she had to stay and look after us.

I do not like Dain. He took my knives off me and said I am not allows to train so much because I am only little. He is mean and he says that if he catches me with the knives again then I will be in big, big trouble.  
Kili says he does not like Dain either and he wants to come and live with you as well. We want Mama to come too, of course!  
Also Kili says 'what is a hobbit?'.  
I don't know what a hobbit is, and Mama's not sure. I told Fili that a hobbit is a very small person with big feet, but he did not believe me because he says I am always making things up. I never making things up.  
Kili wants to write something now. He has been practising his writing, although he won't learn more than his name, my name, your name and Mama's name in Angerthas. He can do quite good common though because Dain never lets us out of lessons because he is mean and bad. Except training. We are never allowed to weapons train because you and Dwalin aren't here anymore.  
See you soon!  
From Fili

The next section was scrawled and untidy. Clearly a very little child's writing. The first part was written in the Dwarvish tongue, so Bilbo couldn't read it, but the rest was written in just barely legible Common.

To ----

Me and Fili miss you. I want to go to Erebor. Mama misses you too. I hate Dain he's like Smaug. What is a hobbit? You should have brought me because I could have killed the Dragon all by myself!

From Kili ----

And the last little bit was in Angerthas again.

Bilbo smiled at the childishness of the letter, wondering slightly who Fili and Kili could be.  
Then suddenly the thought hit him like a stampede of Rohirram.  
What if Fili and Kili were his sons? Thorin was his husband and he loved him, but he was a very private man. It was very possible.

And so the letter preyed on his mind for a whole day. When Thorin came back from his kingly meetings and business and things, he did his usual trick of stomping around happily, relaxing and then looking around for Bilbo. "Lanubukhs? Bilbo, what ARE you doing?"  
"Uh...pacing."  
Thorin's face softened into a smile. "I can see that. But why are you pacing? What's wrong?"  
The hobbit sighed. "Who are Fili and Kili?"  
"Fili and Ki- how on earth do you know about them?"  
Bilbo went bright red and picked up the letter from where he had left it, about to explain, but Thorin was chuckling. "They are my nephews. The sons of my sister, Dis. They are far too young to have come on the quest, but Fili is my heir and...Mahal knows what Kili is, but it's certainly loud."  
Bilbo felt the tension lift from his shoulders. Nephews, of course!  
He reached out to Thorin and handed him the letter. Reading quickly, he chuckled again. "His Royal Grumpiness. That always was my siblings' name for me."  
"Siblings?"  
"I... I had a brother too. Frerin. He died at Azanulbizar."  
"I'm sorry-"  
"Why, did you kill him? No, there is nothing to be sorry for."

Eventually he finished reading and looked up to Bilbo, light shining in his eyes. "My nephews and my sister are to come and live with us!"


End file.
